Rocket Jones links to a report that Elena, the Chernobyl motorcycle chick, is a hoax.

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Bill Whittle's latest, Strength, was posted this weekend. i'm still working through it, but i loved this bit (from part 2):

Let me clarify this if I may. Senator Kennedy claims Abu Ghraib is simply Saddam Hussein’s torture chambers 'under new management – U.S. management.' Taking him at his word – a somewhat iffy proposition right out of the gate – he apparently cannot see the difference between the humiliation and bullying of enemy combatants, which is shameful, disgusting and reprehensible, and the gleeful, mocking murder, torture and gang rape of over 300,000 innocent men, women and children -- which is something worse. So Senator, here is a helpful analogy which you may find useful: The difference is about the same as pulling over and leaving a young female secretary on the curb in the rain, which is shameful, disgusting and reprehensible, vs. leaving her trapped in the car at the bottom of a river while you look at the bubbles and ponder the political repercussions.

Which is something worse, Senator.

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This week's Huge Comment of the Week^® goes to Kevin Kim, for the bawdy poem he dedicated to me in his comment to my May 19 post about his blog:

May I live inside your thong?
Would that really be so wrong?
Laughing, playing, singing songs,
Twanging butt floss all night long?

That doesn't mean that anyone who writes a poem wins the coveted HCOTW award, but it doesn't hurt.

Since Kevin already walked away with the award once, this time he gets a very nice oak leaf cluster next to his name on the sidebar.

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Candied Ginger is back online! Welcome back girls. And congratulations on graduation, Ginger. Now go kick ass on the bar! And happy birthday Candace! i missed you both, as you could maybe tell.

And to top it all off, they're having a short story contest, too!

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Moxie's Memo to the Media is short and to the point:

RE: Abuse in Iraq, we get it. No really.

. . .

From here on out we only want to see news stories about who WASN'T abused or sexually humiliated in Iraq.

We think this should lighten up your workload and allow you more time with the bottle and redistribution of wealth to the po' folks.

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Strange Women Lying in Ponds has a good piece on the problem with Bremer.

It pains me to write this, but one cannot escape the sense that the Bush Administration is adrift on what to do in Iraq. Bush has allowed the agendas of State, the CIA and DoD to become so alienated and compartmentalized that the acts and omissions of the former are headed toward completely undermining the achievements of the latter. If I were a U.S. soldier or Marine in Iraq right now, I would be very angry at the suits. Hell, I'm not there and I still am angry at the suits. But Bush owes our Armed Forces, who have sacrificed so much, better than this.

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A three hour tour . . .

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Must . . . have . . . Candied . . . Ginger . . . can't . . . go . . . on . . . without . . .

Posted by: annika at 10:11 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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If anybody's interested, i'll be playing Yahoo Hold 'Em Poker in the "Beginner Lounge 6" room from 9:00 pm to 10:00 pm tonight.

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1 Grr! Got to the poker room at 10:27.

Posted by: Chris at May 19, 2004 10:27 PM (Wj1fh)

2 Missed you at the poker tables, I was on Party Poker. Next time...

Posted by: Steve S. at May 19, 2004 11:35 PM (jfKqm)

3 Sorry i missed you guys. Lawguy and Gcotharn made it. It was fun. i may try again tonight, if i have time i'll post a notice later.

Posted by: annika! at May 20, 2004 03:43 PM (zAOEU)

4 Give a little notice next time, will ya?

Posted by: Casca at May 20, 2004 06:47 PM (q+PSF)

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Today's selection is by the great poet of the Harlem Renaissance, Langston Hughes.

Theme for English B

The instructor said,

     Go home and write
     a page tonight.
     And let that page come out of you--
     Then, it will be true.

I wonder if it's that simple?
I am twenty-two, colored, born in Winston-Salem.
I went to school there, then Durham, then here
to this college on the hill above Harlem.
I am the only colored student in my class.
The steps from the hill lead down into Harlem,
through a park, then I cross St. Nicholas,
Eighth Avenue, Seventh, and I come to the Y,
the Harlem Branch Y, where I take the elevator
up to my room, sit down, and write this page:

It's not easy to know what is true for you or me
at twenty-two, my age. But I guess I'm what
I feel and see and hear, Harlem, I hear you:
hear you, hear me--we two--you, me, talk on this page.
(I hear New York, too.) Me--who?
Well, I like to eat, sleep, drink, and be in love.
I like to work, read, learn, and understand life.
I like a pipe for a Christmas present,
or records--Bessie, bop, or Bach.
I guess being colored doesn't make me not like
the same things other folks like who are other races.
So will my page be colored that I write?

Being me, it will not be white.
But it will be
a part of you, instructor.
You are white--
yet a part of me, as I am a part of you.
That's American.
Sometimes perhaps you don't want to be a part of me.
Nor do I often want to be a part of you.
But we are, that's true!
As I learn from you,
I guess you learn from me--
although you're older--and white--
and somewhat more free.

This is my page for English B.

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One of the running themes of my work life, my leitmotif if you will, is the "firmwide e-mail regarding dress code violations." i have been the unnamed cause of two such e-mails in the past, at two different offices, and it seems i may have become the inspiration for yet another at my present workplace.

i can't be sure though. My dress has become much more professional as my job responsibilities have increased. Still, on the occasion of this morning's e-mail, i decided to do a thorough examination of conscience, just to be sure.

O great and powerful H.R. person. It has been one and a half years since my last confession. Since then, i have . . .

Let me see that list . . .

Beachwear: Is that like a bikini? Okay. i'm good. i hope i have enough sense to know that i can't wear a bikini to work.

Halter tops: i'm okay there too. Unless you count company picnics.

Tank Tops: Oops. Maybe on a casual Friday or two.

Shorts: Shit. You got me there. i had no idea shorts were illegal. But i've only been wearing them on Fridays.

Severe Mini-Skirts: Define severe? Is that like leather?

Shirts with offensive language or slogans: You mean like Bush/Cheney 2004?

Flip Flops or Sandals: Guilty on both counts.

Leggings, Tights, Stirrup Pants: Nope. But you might want to walk down the hall and check out what a certain heiffer is wearing today.

Capri Pants, Pedal Pushers, or Flood Pants: Shit, those are out too? i love capris! And as for flood pants, go check out the I.S. guy, for Pete's sake.

Backless or Strapless Clothing: Come on. i'm not that much of a tart.

Sweat, Warm-Up, Jogging Suits or Workout Attire: Go check out the heiffer tomorrow.

Hats, Caps: Only on days that the Lakers play.

Denim shirts: i'm good.

T-shirts or sweatshirts: Only on casual day.

Midriff tops or sweaters: Okay, i push the envelope a bit on this one. But it's hard finding a top that doesn't creep up just a little as the day goes on.

Stone washed or severely faded denim pants or skirts: Not me. Come on, the eighties are so over.

Spandex: Don't make me laugh.

Overalls/jumpers: Only on days when i plan to do carpentry. Or play on the jungle gym. Gimme a break.

Painter or cargo pants: i've been known to wear cargo pants, and for that i'm sorry.

Workout attire, bike pants: i wouldn't need the extra padding of bike shorts if the chairs in the lunch room were more comfortable. Just kidding. i'd never.

Work/combat boots: LOL, no.

Sneaker/tennis/athletic shoes: Guilty.

Excessive jewelry: Do the tongue and belly studs count?

Stained, ripped, torn or wrinkled clothing: Not at all.

See through clothing: You mean i can't wear this outfit?

Low cut clothing: Not me. i have nothing to show off. You might want to take a look at the receptionist, though. That is if you can see past the crowd of male associates surrounding her.

Sunglasses in the building: Maybe once or twice after a hard night.

O great and benevolent H.R. person, i am heartily sorry for having offended thee. And i detest all my dress code violations because of thy just punishment. But most of all, because they offend thy delicate sensibilities, O great H.R. wench, who art all prude and needs to get a life. i firmly resolve, with the help of thy firm-wide e-mails, to violate the dress code no more, and to avoid the near occasion of style.

Amen.

Posted by: annika at 09:45 AM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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It's always bugged me that proponents of gay marriage repeatedly cite the example of Brittany's 48 hour Vegas marriage in order to denigrate the heterosexual marriage norm. They argue that traditional marriage shouldn't be restricted to only heterosexuals, since people like Brittany have made a mockery of it.

To which, i respond: Didn't you see the MTV Awards? What makes you so sure Brittany's a heterosexual?

Link via Kevin's Wizbang via Rick's Quotes, Thoughts, and other Ramblings.

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Really, what the heck does it mean?

Remember the last time we saw it?

Humility Update: i continue to be perplexed by the blogosphere's lack of response to my own brilliant, satirical photoshopping efforts, which in my humble opinion are consistently freakin' hilarious. Many thanks to Rick and Kevin for the comments. Otherwise i'd be wondering if my site was down today.

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In case you didn't check DANEgerous this morning, let me point you to something you might not hear about on the evening news, this pullquote from Blaster's Blog:

Iraq never declared any binary 155mm artillery shells. In fact, they never claimed any filled with sarin at all in the UNSCOM Final report (Find on "Munitions declared by Iraq as remaining"). Not declared as existing at the end of the Gulf War, not having been destroyed in the Gulf War, not having been destroyed unilaterally. The only binary munitions claimed by the Iraqis were aerial bombs and missile warheads. Not in an artillery shell.

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This is classic Kevin Kim, an example of why his blog is on my daily list.

You know how the whole world curdles after a major breakup? That's the culinary abyss I'm in right now. The angels aren't shitting any Strawberry Cheesecake on me; they're just shitting shit. It's a beautiful day outside, but my life has turned into the final act of a Samuel Beckett play. I'm living inside a fucking garbage can. I'm waiting for Godot. All around me, there's nothing but gloom. Demons cackle in dark corners. Squirrels with glowing red eyes wave their freakishly huge, forked dicks at me. Harmonious birdsong morphs into the cacophonous squalling of Satan's fanged, larval children. The Han River runs thick with pus and excrement-- no, wait, that's not a hellish vision; that's actually happening.

Posted by: annika at 09:21 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Is it me, or has Michel Moore gotten fatter? The last time i saw him was at the Oscars in 2003. i don't think he looked as humongous back then. What he needs is a personal trainer. A tough one, like at one of those boot camps for fatties, maybe.

i can almost picture it now:

Holy Jesus! What is that? WHAT IS THAT?!

Sir, a jelly doughnut, sir!

A jelly doughnut?!

Sir, yes, sir!

How did it get here?

Sir, I took it from the mess hall, sir!

Is chow allowed in the barracks, Moore?

Sir, no, sir!

Are you allowed to eat jelly doughnuts, Moore?

Sir, no, sir!

And why not?

Sir, because I'm too heavy, sir!

Because you are a DISGUSTING FATBODY, Moore!

Sir, yes, sir!

Pick 'em up and set 'em down, Moore! Quickly! Move it up!

Were you born a fat slimy scumbag, you piece of shit?! Or did you have to work on it?

Move it up! Quickly! Hustle up!

The fucking war will be over by the time we get up there, won't it, Moore? MOVE IT!

Are you going to fucking die, Moore? Are you going to die on me?! Do you feel dizzy? Do you feel faint? Jesus H. Christ, I think you've got a hard-on!

Posted by: annika at 04:59 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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Another great, and historical reference laden, post at Belmont Club:

It was during the Vietnam War that the Left first discovered the potential war-winning ability of media coverage. The concept itself is merely an extension of the blitzkrieg notion that the enemy command structure, not his troop masses, are the true center of gravity on the battlefield. During the campaign of 1940, Heinz Guderian's panzers bypassed many French formations, leaving them unfought, knowing that if their command structure were severed, the whole musclebound mass would fall to the ground headless. What the Left gradually discovered during the course of the Vietnam war was that Guderian had not been bold enough. Guderian still felt it necessary to win on the battlefield. He had not realized that it was possible to ignore the battlefield altogether because it was the enemy political structure, not his military capability, that was the true center of gravity of an entire campaign. It was General Giap during the Vietnam War who first planned a military operation entirely around its possible media effect. The Tet offensive was a last desperate attempt to gain the upper hand in a war he was losing.

. . .

Although Giap failed in every military respect, he succeeded in providing the press with the raw material necessary to alter the dynamics of American domestic politics. While he could not alter reality, the Giap could alter the perception of reality enough to give anti-war politicians a winning hand which they played it to the hilt.

. . .

But whereas General Giap was forced to rely on the Western media to carry his message home, modern day Jihadis have decided to create their own media outlets like Al Jazeera to shape public opinion. Moreover, they have extended proven methods of intimidating the Western media, described by CNN's Eason Jordan in his article in the New York Times to a standard operation of war. This set up a clash between two forces, one enjoying a preponderance in every area of military capability and skill but failing to recognize news coverage as a strategic weapon; and another whose military strategy was literally made for television.

Link via the most evillest of professors.

Also, do check out Hugo's post on feminist responses to Abu Ghraib, very much worth your while.

Posted by: annika at 10:14 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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i highly recommend Ad-aware 6 for the removal of spyware and hijacker programs such as When-U-Search, the evil dastardly pestilence that had infected my computer. Until last night that is. Ad-aware killed it good.

Posted by: annika at 07:34 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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1 AdAware is the greatest. They update its definitions almost every day, too! It's amazing. All this, and free free free. All hail Lavasoft!

Posted by: Fox at May 17, 2004 08:02 PM (d0Wwd)

2 I'm sold, just installed it, thanks.

Posted by: Karol at May 17, 2004 09:56 PM (AGo3+)

3 Do yourself a favor and run both AdAware *and* Spybot - Search & Destroy. Spybot can be found here: http://www.safer-networking.org/

Posted by: Yeff at May 18, 2004 08:57 AM (JtSsl)

4 Spybot is good. i used it first, but it didn't get everything and Ad-aware zapped what Spybot missed. Using both together is probably the best protection. i do have one question. When-U-Search changed my settings so that IE loads automatically whenever i boot. i don't like that. How do i change that back to normal?

Posted by: annika! at May 18, 2004 09:33 AM (zAOEU)

5 Start-up settings in your control panel? You should be able to find all the programs that launch at startup there. Re: Spybot--I use it, too, but it is updated so much less frequently than Ad-Aware. My sole gripe. A program I recommend for having greater control over Windows in general (one easy stop to modify all sorts of things, including things like which programs launch at startup) is TuneUp Utilities, which I SWEAR by. It's not free, though you can try it out for free--it is relatively cheap, though, for all the functionality it provides. It does a million excellent things I don't have space to list: http://www.tune-up.com/

Posted by: Fox at May 18, 2004 09:42 AM (d0Wwd)

6 Excellent tip, Fox. i'll check it out.

Posted by: annika! at May 18, 2004 10:02 AM (zAOEU)

7 Anni, I thought you knew. So, where'd you get that malware? Been cruising porn sites? hehehehe

Posted by: Casca at May 18, 2004 04:40 PM (q+PSF)

8 Actually, Casca, i think i got it from an email sent to me by a Wilfred Owen fan down south. ; )

Posted by: annika! at May 18, 2004 07:55 PM (UbZ3N)

9 Dulce et decorum est... actually, I think it was Sassoon. Say do you have a copy of "The Complete Memoirs of George Sherston"? I have an extra.

Posted by: Casca at May 20, 2004 08:57 PM (q+PSF)

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Like ants when their anthole has been disturbed, the Bush-haters are running around crazy, not quite sure what to make of this Sarin story. From DU:

Call me crazy but the finding of Sarin gas seems to indicate a spiralling decrease in security. If true it simply proves the point that borders are not secure. WMDs that were not in Iraq before are there now. Note to Bush: Be careful what you wish for.

When it comes to poison gas discoveries, i'm still holding my breath (heh heh). i'll wait and see if any significant stockpile is discovered. You see, unlike the Bush-haters, i had pretty much accepted that my side might have been wrong about WMDs. It's called intellectual honesty.

On the right, guys like Hannity and Medved were always pretty confident that we'd find the stuff. But even John Kerry was hedging his bets, saying last week that the WMDs might still be found. If you asked me, i would have scowled and said that asshole Scott Ritter was probably right. In fact, i said as much over a year ago.

On the right, the counter-argument was always: "If Saddam didn't have WMDs why did he refuse to allow inspections? Why didn't he cooperate fully?"

Two reasons make perfect sense to me. One, Saddam did finally relent. Just before the war started, i seem to remember a report about Saddam's 11th hour offer to allow full, unrestricted inspections, which we refused. If true, i'm not bothered by our refusal in the slightest. He had to go.

The other reason is that Saddam, correctly as it turns out, believed that we were going in no matter what. Knowing that he had an unavoidable fight coming, and that his military was totally unprepared to resist, much less win, he needed the myth of WMD as a force multiplier. If you know you're going to get rolled no matter what, isn't it a good idea to let the other guy think you've got a knife in your back pocket. It might give you that extra second or two you'll need to get the hell out of Dodge.

Another factor i've considered, in my attempt to explain why Saddam acted like he had WMD's while saying that he hadn't, is an often overlooked rationale behind most inexplicable human behavior: simple incompetence. You've seen it at your job countless times, i'm sure. A huge task is given to be completed within an unreasonably short time limit. Everybody scrambles to put it together, but there are inevitable mistakes.

The better the workers, the fewer mistakes, of course. But in the case of Iraq, these people were all short timers, who knew they were going to be out of a job soon. So the 1441 report they had to do contained a lot of errors, things they just didn't have time to check out for consistency. A lot of it might have been cut and paste. They probably didn't proofread it properly. Then when we got the report we interpreted it as being evasive; they had something to hide. When in fact they didn't. They were simply incompetent.

But, now that i've given my reasons for thinking that there were in fact no WMDs, it appears that i may be wrong again. Hopefully, i am wrong and we will uncover a cache of the stuff, if only to get it out of the hands of the enemy.

Update: According to Michele, now the Bush-haters are saying sarin is not a WMD? That's one for the Huh? files!

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Kevin Kim tells of a gargoyle* at Washington D.C.'s National Cathedral, which is carved in the shape of Darth Vader's head. i was skeptical, but it seems to be true. Can anyone verify this? Have you seen it?

* Technically it's a grotesque; gargoyles being a type of grotesque that directs water through a spout, which Darth Vader does not. Kevin correctly refers to it as a grotesque, which deflects, rather than spouts water. Why do i call it a gargoyle, then? i happen to like diphthongs, that's all.

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